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11 December 2005 @ 09:37 pm
Chapter Six: I Feel a Jihad Looming...  
The Incredibly Long Episode!
By Aaron Peori

So I’ve been thinking about this Orochi guy. He’s this big villain grr (though apparently there’s someone more badass them him around) that I don’t know who shows up every episode. Which, you know, makes sense since he’s the presumed little bad.

The thing is, in order to get on board with the bad guy, you have to feel some kind of connection to him or her. That can be much love, hatred, lust, curiosity, what have you, but there has to be something. In my case, he’s just... there. Usually I roll my eyes when he hits the screen. Occasionally (read: once), he surprises me with something that I like, but usually I’m just eh about him. Now, for those that know Orochi, this isn’t likely the case. But for me, a baddie needs to mean something to me. And that means I have to know him. And I just... don’t. And so far, I still don’t feel like I know him. I really doubt I’ll ever feel that I will know him. Orochi just makes me think of roaches... and for some reason, right now, scrambled eggs. I want to have passion towards my baddie! I want to HATE him. Or LOVE him. Or RIP HIS CLOTHES off him. But yeah, I just want him to get me some scrambled eggs. *Waves Orochi over* "Excuse me sir, could I get a cup of hot chocolate with that? Oh, and whipped cream on top would be just divine, thank you."

Okay, enough about that! We have an author’s chapter to discuss!

Before I go any further, I just want to say one thing about this chapter: THANK YOU, Mr. Peori! THANK YOU, for taking Shinji out of this episode. May the sun shine brightly on your backyard! ... Or something. And take this moment to feel the bliss of the sun on your face, for soon a very large mallet shall take its place.

And now, onto the fights!

Fight One: Iori vs. Gambit! The fight was rather bland, though there were a few interesting twists. Personally, I didn’t get how Iori using all his power to wop Gambit all over the places so that he only had juuuuust enough power to stand up while Gambit fell down placed him the winner after Gambit tricked him with being just fine. From the sounds of it, the punch Gambit gave him should’ve dropped him to the mat like a sour pickle. ... But less slippery. I just don’t agree with the logistics here. My bias of liking Gambit, and not liking Iori aside, I still feel that this fight wasn’t logically sound.

Fight Two: Possessed!Naga vs. Lina! You know, for some reason, I was under the impression that Naga couldn’t fight in an actual Ultra match. Now, granted, my memory is awful and I very well could have made this up, but yeah, I could have sworn... Anyway! The Gourry/Naga scene before the match was lovely. It pleased me. As for the match itself? I have to go with Tarou on this one: "The only spectacular thing about it is that she managed to shut up that maniac." I had one very big problem with this. Before the match, Lina tried using a fireball and *BAM!FIZZLE* nothing. She freaks because she realizes that her magic doesn’t work on the planet she’s fighting on. And then the fight starts... to which she immediately begins a, you guessed it, SPELL. Which should NOT have worked. It’s that logistics thing again. I’m all sorts of bemused. Plus? I thought I was gonna get to see Lina fight with the Sword of Light. I feel so cheated! *Shakes fist* And lastly, Possessed!Naga was battling Goku for HOURS. GOKU. One of those Dragon Ball Z people! One spell shouldn’t have taken her down... nor do I think she’d of called for her "mommy".

Fight Three: Shin!Dan vs. Johnny Cage! ... ... ... I... I don’t know what to say. Possessing Dan is just... wrong. He’s the clown of the show that makes you giggle at how cute and silly he is. But possessing him so he’ll win a match? It seems... well, cheap. Maybe I’m too old-fashioned, but if the silly man is gonna win, he should win based on HIM. Hell, he can win by drawing a picture of his opponent and it stuns the person so much that they fall down dumbfounded for all I care! Or maybe I’m just annoyed at all the possession going on in this series. As it was, this fight just left a bad taste in mouth. *Snaps her fingers* Yo! Orochi! Get your ass over here with that hot chocolate, bitch!

Fight Four: Morrigan/Lillith vs. Happosai/Ataru! ... Eh. Fight was all right. It was just your regular Joe fight. Not much to say. I, uh, didn’t hate it?

Fight Five: Felicia vs. Ken! [...] [...] [...] *Breaks her pencil and storms off calling the author all sorts of obscenities*

*Comes back* Ahem. Let me try that again. What I meant to say was, this fight was… wrong. Plain and simple. The Ken doing his Dragon Punch at air was cute and all, but the calling Felicia a non-fighter that couldn’t keep up with Ken was so not EVEN true. Tell you what, you bring Ken over to the Darkstalkers game and when I kick your ass using her, we’ll SEE who isn’t a real fighter! *Breaks another pencil and walks out of the room*

*Comes back... and coughs* That is, *her voice goes down a notch for professionalism* The fight displayed in this portion of chapter six of Ultra had a downside that could not be overlooked. Although Ken Masters is certainly a worthy fighter, Felicia was undoubtedly capable of putting up a fair and strong match. There.

Fight Six: Shingo vs. Sakura! ... Why is Sakura still here? At the very least, can the girl win a fight fair and square. I mean, seriously.

Fight Seven: Rico/Bart vs. Wolverine/Shadowcat! Rico and Bart... Who ARE these people? I'm just picturing Bart from Vandread in my head when all of this is happening... with B.C.'s whip... and weirdness ensues.

Fight Eight: Sephiroth vs. Orochi! Orochi lost! I’d of cared more... except I just... well, didn’t. Like Orochi, it was just... there. But hey, at least Sephiroth got his smack on. And as long as Orochi can still bring me my eggs, I’m cool with it. I guess. Sure, why the hell not!

All in all... I really didn’t like this chapter. Logistics were off, unknown people from other planets are popping up, Felicia was beaten by KEN of all people... Yeah, I was not pleased. However, since I am benevolent, I do have a few positive notes to pipe in:

General positive notes:

* I can’t help it, that Energizer Pikachu commercial cracked me up!

* The Pantyhose Tarou stuff was good. I can’t recall how his personality is in the show since it’s been so long since I’ve seen him, but it worked for me.

Rating: *Ignores her benevolence* I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
 
 
Mood: morosemorose
Fight Background Music: Maroon 5 - "Harder to Breathe"